Groping for the words...

...to describe what it feels like to have some stranger's hand unexpectedly squeeze your private parts. Yes, it is a violation and in my case, it brought about extreme rage. I turned and screamed obscenities at the grinning and rapidly departing face of the young man who had stuck his hand between my legs as I had turned away from the street to unlock my door.

This incident occurred many years ago, in the Adams Morgan area of Washington, D.C. But it can happen anywhere at any time to any woman of any age. It happened to two women at the Chapel Hill Mall this week, as reported in today's ABJ. One woman states that upon feeling the grope, she turned and hit the man:

``His whole body just brushed up into mine,'' she said. ``And then he grabbed my butt. It felt intentional. It was not just a bump. I turned around and I said, `You just groped me,' and I punched him in the arm and the shoulder.

``He was just shocked and ran out. I was so angry that he could just get away with that. I thought, he just walked in here grabbed me and then walked out.''

Good for her! I wish I had done the same so many years ago.

Not only did she strike back, she got the authorities to arrest the guy and during the process another young woman appeared who said the same man had groped her while she was shopping at Victoria's Secret. Neither woman knew each other. The accused perp in this case turns out to be an assistant pastor at The Chapel in Akron who claims to be innocent of the charges. What he was doing in Victoria's Secret and Charlotte Russe stores at the mall remains to be determined.

Ever since the day that I was so rudely handled by a strange man, I have learned some self defense techniques that can come in quite handy. A feminist friend of mine uses reverse discrimination on out of control perverts. She screams all those negative foul words that have been created to keep women in our places. If you want to see something amazing, look at the faces of men who are unespectedly addressed as "whore," "bitch" and "cunt." They literally freeze in their tracks and don't know how to respond.

I prefer to use my old trusty friend, William Shakespeare. There is a fabulous monologue in Richard III by Lady Anne, one of history's saddest victims. Shakespeare gives her some marvelous passages to show us how much hatred she has at the beginning of the play for Richard. Try screaming the following at any man who is harassing you in public:

Foul devil, for God's sake, hence and trouble us not;
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell,
Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims.
If thou delight to view thy heinous deeds,
Behold this pattern of thy butcheries.--
O, gentlemen, see, see! dead Henry's wounds
Open their congeal'd mouths and bleed afresh!
Blush, blush, thou lump of foul deformity;
For 'tis thy presence that exhales this blood
From cold and empty veins, where no blood dwells;
Thy deeds, inhuman and unnatural,
Provokes this deluge most unnatural.--
O God, which this blood mad'st, revenge his death!
O earth, which this blood drink'st, revenge his death!
Either, heaven, with lightning strike the murderer dead;
Or, earth, gape open wide and eat him quick,
As thou dost swallow up this good king's blood,
Which his hell-govern'd arm hath butchered.

When performing this, be sure to include various invisible characters in your actions. That will put the creep on edge, for sure. I have used this technique on the streets of Akron and invariably the male who was intent on bothering me backed off and made a rapid exit.

For those women who are determined to take back the streets and walk upon them whenever and wherever they choose, I would also encourage lessons in self-defense and some kind of concealed pepper spray and/or alert whistle.

Refllections on another tragic ending

The sad and hardly unexpected ending to the story of Jessie Marie Davis took place in a corner of the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. I drove down that stretch of Riverview Rd on Friday afternoon, stereo up and singing along on a glorious sunny day, past where her body had been hidden in a shallow grave.

The searches had all been going on in the next county over headed south toward Canton. The media circus arrived in town early in the week and I expect it will stick around until the arraignment on Monday, then depart until the pre-trial action heats up. Local television reporter Eric Mansfield has poured his heart into his blogging this past week. If you haven't been reading it, please go there.

This story at first reminded us locals about the pregnant woman in Rootstown a few years back, who was kidnapped and killed for the child she was carrying. But all too quickly it felt more like the tragic story of Margo Prade.

I've been trying not to dwell on it too much. It's too sad, all too typical and quite frankly touches way too close to personal experiences. Yesterday at around 3:30 pm, I looked at the bulletin board at Ritzman Pharmacy on Copley Rd. There was a black and white photo of Ms Davis on a Missing flier. When I got home, I turned on the TV to see if there was any news from all the searching. The cable news networks were buzzing with the Discovery, the Arrest, the Latest Developments. I watched for awhile and then left it for the back garden.

Out in the garden, all fenced in and private, I have tried to create beauty, harmony and a peaceful place to sit with dog near by, sip coffee and read a book. It is a place far removed in years and distance from a time of chaos and emotional bondage. I was lucky. I got it together enough to ask for help and plot an escape.

How does it happen that so many little boys grow up to be viciously jealous and controlling brutes who end up murdering the former object of supposed affection?

The sad facts from the American Institute on Domestic Violence:

85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female.

Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year.

5.3 million women are abused each year.

1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women.

Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they know rather than by a stranger.

More statistics here. Women, be smart, get help and leave before you get hurt bad.

Women lag behind in state politics

In an AP story by Julie Carr Smyth, the dwindling numbers of women in state legislatures across the nation are examined and various reasons given for the decline:

Fewer than a quarter of state lawmakers across America are female, and the share has changed little in about a decade. Despite a slight gain in the overall percentage this year - to 23.5 percent, or 1,734 of 7,382 seats - the numbers are slipping in many legislatures.

Women lost ground in 20 of 50 Statehouses following the November election. This year, 17.4 percent of the Ohio Legislature is female, down from 18.4 percent in 2006. That's 23 of 132 lawmakers, down from 24 the year before.

According to the article, in 1971 the percentage of women in state offices was a paltry 4.5%. I guess we should be jumping up and down for joy that we've almost managed to get close to 25% in 30 some years.

Reasons for the current decline are that given:

1. Women are consensus builders and are not attracted to the current political style of swift boating.

2. Lingering stereotypes, especially in the south, of women as the ones who stay at home dissuade women from seeking office.

3. The burden of raising a family while participating in politics is something that men can hand off to their wives very easily -- not so for women. Hence men can get a great head start in their political careers while women often don't begin running for office until after their children are out of the home.

Not examined in the article was the difficulty in raising money to run for office. Could Hillary raise as much as she has if she hadn't been married to Bill? Emily's List has been pivotal in providing support for women candidates since the 80s.

Like Hillary Clinton, Emily's List is often vilified in the press. Uppity women still are not accepted, let alone liked in this society. It would seem that the great unspoken reason for the continuing marginalization of women in politics is still a deeply rooted sexism that doesn't trust ideas like consensus, negotiation and collaboration.

Certainly government could use a huge dose of consensus-building instead of the macho posturing and the drawing of lines in the sand and daring the opponent to cross them.

Smyth closes her article by referencing the rise of Nancy Pelosi, who is modeling effective leadership skills that hopefully will inspire the younger generations of women to get out there and campaign for office.

I'd like to see more Dead-Enders get involved and running for office. A Dead-Ender is what I call myself -- a woman or man who chooses not to reproduce and pass along our genetic material. We need a lot more Dead-Enders on this planet to have any kind of effect on stabilizing global population. Dead-Enders have more time to give to social and political movements -- though how many atheist Dead-Enders could make a run for office is another issue entirely.

Oh hard is the fortune of all womankind

That sad old folk tune came into my head tonight while reading the story of Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who came unglued when a rival appeared for the love of another astronaut. It's the story few can resist reading. So I clicked on the latest AP update tonight, which included interviews with people involved with the astronaut program.

I had to stop and take a breath after reading some comments from Dr. Jon Clark, a former NASA flight surgeon who lost his wife, astronaut Laurel Clark, in the 2003 Columbia disaster,

"Clark...said there can be extra pressure on NASA's female astronauts - and the men, like himself, who marry them.

"They made more sacrifices than the 'Right Stuff' guys," he said, comparing women astronauts to the original all-male astronaut corps. "They have to balance two careers - to be a mom and wife and an astronaut. ... You don't come home at night, like most of the male astronauts, and have everything ready for you."

It is somewhat astonishing to me that women remain oppressed in this 21st century. After all the consciousness raising we did, and all the glass ceilings that continue to shatter -- at the end of the working day, a woman goes home and runs the household while hubby seldom contributes the same sweat equity as the wife in the day to dat details of child-rearing and sorting out the laundry.

This woman was married with three children and competing and training in one of the most intense career tracks imaginable. The story to me is both ancient and futuristic. It has the overtones of Greek tragedy, with a plot right out of a science fiction romance novel. The need to "have it all" seems to run deep in many women. Lisa wanted the moon and someone else's man. While I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for her, I am saddened by the impulse that drove her to this result.

Oh hard is the fortune of all womankind
She's always controlled, she's always confined
Controlled by her parents until she's a wife
Then a slave to her husband the rest of her life.

All young girls, take warning, take warning from me,
Never place your affections on a young man so free,
They will hug you and kiss you and tell you more lies,
Than the cross-ties on the railroad or the stars in the sky.